With a little help from my friends...

Well, I don't know about you, but I think this past week has been quite interesting and exhausting.

In some cases I have seen an extraordinary effort on both sides to try harder to understand each other.  In other cases I have seen inflammatory and mocking memes and comments (on both sides) that make me sad.

What I find amusing about the inflammatory memes is that they are posted from a place of wanting to be seen and heard.  Sadly, they are alienating the very people you want to hear you.  Yeah, getting a bunch of likes from like-minded friends for a nasty meme or comment may be nice, but it makes you look like a jerk to some of your other friends, which only drives them further away.  If that's the goal, then #winning.

Here's the thing.  We ALL have friends and family who think differently than we do.  That's awesome and one of the reasons we are proud to be Americans!  The problems happen when we entrench ourselves in our own beliefs and refuse to really listen to their perspective.  People get defensive and angry, especially when they don't think they're being heard.  *gestures broadly at what is currently happening*

I left the Republican Party under the Bush Administration as a direct result of the clusterfuck that was Iraqi Freedom.  I was out there fighting a war and was truly more at risk of dying from colliding into a friendly aircraft than I was of being shot down.  There are many factors that led to my disillusionment with the Party, but I can tell you that hardly any of my Republican friends have asked me about why a military pilot slowly became a tree-hugging Democrat or what my views are or my reasons for having those views.

I DID ask some of my Republican friends this year why they were voting for Trump.  I truly wanted to know!  I wanted to understand why his hateful, bullying rhetoric about entire groups of people wasn't a deal breaker for them (other than the I Hate Hillary or I Hate Democrats view, which I get but quickly shuts down a conversation).  I learned a lot and I couldn't disagree with them on some of their well-articulated views.  Understanding someone else does not mean you have to give up your own beliefs and values!!  Admitting that you can see the other person's perspective does NOT weaken your stance- it simply broadens your understanding and empathy.  I think we could all use more of that as we move forward.  We as a people have tremendous power.  I'd love to see it channeled to unite instead of divide.

In order for us to heal as a nation, we simply can't continue to browbeat the other side.  I'm sure you have someone you care about with whom you can have a thoughtful intelligent conversation, either in person or on the phone.  Perhaps you'd be willing to try listening to the other person without the need to respond with your opinion.  Just listen.  Ask questions and really try to hear their answers.  Show up from a place of truly trying to understand and not from trying to change their mind.  They should then afford you the same courtesy.  Perhaps you'll be able to talk without demonizing each other.  We want our friends to understand and listen to us.  That's why some of you guys are screaming on Facebook so loudly!  haha.

More compassion and empathy isn't a bad thing.  Admitting you didn't see something from that perspective doesn't mean the other person won.  It truly is not "us" against "them."  We're all stuck here together, and I'll wager that most people are more moderate than you think.  But I have also learned that people who denigrate and mock others or who gloat are not good people to have a beginning conversation with.  They need to be listened to and understood more than most, actually, but save those people for later.

There has been so much hate.  Truly.  I am trying really hard to open my heart more because anger is only causing more anger.  It's a nasty cycle.  And we are in a nasty mess.  Will trying to understand someone else change the world?  I don't know, but I think it's a good place to start.