The Cough

So we moved out here 5 weeks ago. It took the first 2.5 weeks to finally start having energy to do stuff around the house. I wish you could understand how absolutely devastating stress is on my body these days. The move was stressful- I was worried how the refinished floors would look, we had to get both cats across the country, the furniture needed to get here (hopefully intact), and the list of home repairs was long.

Stress is not my friend. Stress does not make me perform better or heighten my abilities anymore. It plain sucks. It drains my energy and forces me to use oxygen. I retain pounds of water and look about 4 months pregnant, which doesn't help.

So I was finally recovering from the move when I got slammed with the flu. I knew it was going to be a long road. The cough scared me most. Now, most people don't panic when they develop a cough... they just take some NyQuil and sleep it off. Not me. I get super stressed about my cough. Is it spreading to my lungs? Pneumonia? Bronchitis? I evaluate every cough and it gets OLD. So this bout of the flu had me coughing. And not just a little cough... like coughing to the point I start dry-heaving. My ribcage hurt from coughing so much. Pleasant.

What makes this disease so fun is that b/c I retain water in my belly area, my abs have been shot for years. Ab exercises are futile. Coughing is SO hard on my body that I threw out my back. Even when I use a pillow to support my abs. And not just a little pain. Like I look like a pregnant (water retention) Quasimodo. So I hobble around the house for a week. Bending over is sheer agony, so whatever falls on the floor stays there until Jeff gets home and can pick it up. My back is finally starting to feel better (the coughing is finally starting to decrease) when I decide to be a genius and go to the gym. So, of course, I cough and throw out my back AGAIN. This shit is getting old. This damn disease gets old. I get so tired of dealing with the crap that PH brings with it.

Luckily, my back is a little better today and the coughing is MUCH better. Hopefully I can go out in public soon! I have been running some errands... at least no one questions a pregnant Quasimodo in the handicapped spot! Flippin' ridiculous.

And I feel bad because I know there are SO many people out here I need to see and meet up with. I know they think I am avoiding them or something. Well, maybe a little, because I know I am only operating at about 70% and look like a hunchback freak with my back. I don't want my friends to see me like this! I know it would be helpful if people really did see me when I feel like crap and not just when I am feeling okay. But it is so exhausting to deal with that I don't think it's really worth it. I'd rather wait a week until I am closer to my old self.

Hopefully I'll be catching up with more friends soon!